i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
