i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
