Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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