I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
farters have to be the big spoon...
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
