Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
