Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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