Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
