Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize