Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
