I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
