this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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