I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
