you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Boobs are out for the taking
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize