Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
