butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
