I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
