I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
