I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
