apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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