worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
