I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
