i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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