How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
