I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i believe in u and ur pee
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
