I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
