Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
