i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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