Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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