he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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