hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so let's talk penis.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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