that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize