Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
