No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
