Already got asked if we're dating
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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