Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You need Xanax blowdarts
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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