I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
