Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
