So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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