I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
