The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
