y did u give ur computer a hand job?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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