I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
smell my finger.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
