If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
