she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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