hotel room ftw
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
