I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize