Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
