Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
