my mouth tastes like poor choices
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
