I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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