some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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