I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
