just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
