If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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