I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
