I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
