We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
