I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
