You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
