So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
