the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
