I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
