i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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