If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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