she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
