No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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