I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize