I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
